Are you lifting others up or subtly pressing them down?

My friend Burcu and I swap career coaching. Often we are experiencing the same thing under different circumstances. Today we talked about something simple but powerful:

Every person either elevates their fellow human or presses them down to feel superior. Setting a boundary on those who would press you down, elevates your feelings of self worth as much as a sincere compliment does.

Sometimes, that press-down isn’t obvious. It’s subtle. It sounds polite, maybe even sweet. But you leave the interaction feeling… off and belittled, even though the words spoken didn’t stand out as being that way. 

Here’s the difference:

A real compliment lifts:

Real Compliment example: 

“You handled that project with such precision and care. It’s impressive how thorough you are.”

It’s sincere, specific, and focused on the other person without comparison or minimization.

A Put-Down is usually more subtle:

“Aww, that’s cute how you handled that project. So sweet you’re trying so hard.”

A subtle put-down sounds friendly but quietly diminishes others. It might be calling someone “honey” or “sweetie,” or brushing off an accomplishment as “cute” or “small”—always keeping them just one step beneath.

Burcu and I agreed today how important it is to gently call this behavior out. I have disagreed about this in the past. Time is currency and I’d rather not spend it having conflict but yet today she swayed me because the bottom line is that not calling out such behavior when aimed at you, directly affects our self worth. 

Not to create conflict, but because every time you speak up, you reinforce your own self-worth. It’s not wasted energy.

It gives the other person a chance to reflect and it reminds YOU and THEM that you belong at the same level as anyone else. That we all deserve to be treated with the same Respect. 

Notice the difference. Speak up. Elevate. Level up your self worth.